just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
