The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
