What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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