You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
