is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
