If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
