She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
