He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
