It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
is wine microwaveable?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You pole danced in your parka.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
