good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
