when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
