I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
