Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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