Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
