Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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