and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
