After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
