I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The struggles of a small town man whore
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
