eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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