There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
