OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
