dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
