Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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