The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
