I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
