i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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