nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
