i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
