Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
