I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
