Someone shit on the floor
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
