just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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