Don't make out with my wife yet
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm just crazy horny about you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
