make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
