I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
whose parrot is this?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
