She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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