i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
