I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
