Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
