i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
The ass gains better be worth it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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