I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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