Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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