Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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