i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
