i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
