i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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