Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
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