lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
