How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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