i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
