recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
