I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
