We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
