just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
