I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Boobs are out for the taking
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
