the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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