Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
